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- MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
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- Act 5 Scene 1
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- (Enter Leonato and Antonio his brother)
- l1l Antonio If you go on thus, you will kill yourself,
- l2l And Ætis not wisdom thus to second grief
- l3l Against yourself.
- Leonato I pray thee cease thy counsel,
- l4l Which falls into mine ears as profitless
- l5l As water in a sieve. Give not me counsel,
- l6l Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
- l7l But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
- l8l Bring me a father that so loved his child,
- l9l Whose joy of her is overwhelmed like mine,
- l10l And bid him speak of patience.
- l11l Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine,
- l12l And let it answer every strain for strain,
- l13l As thus for thus, and such a grief for such,
- l14l In every lineament, branch, shape, and form.
- l15l If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
- l16l Bid sorrow wag, cry ôhemö when he should groan,
- l17l Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
- l18l With candle-wasters, bring him yet to me,
- l19l And I of him will gather patience.
- l20l But there is no such man, for, brother, men
- l21l Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
- l22l Which they themselves not feel, but tasting it
- l23l Their counsel turns to passion, which before
- l24l Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
- l25l Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
- l26l Charm ache with air and agony with words.
- l27l No, no, Ætis all menÆs office to speak patience
- l28l To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
- l29l But no manÆs virtue nor sufficiency
- l30l To be so moral when he shall endure
- l31l The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel.
- l32l My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
- l33l Antonio Therein do men from children nothing differ.
- l34l Leonato I pray thee peace, I will be flesh and blood,
- l35l For there was never yet philosopher
- l36l That could endure the toothache patiently,
- l37l However they have writ the style of gods,
- l38l And made a pish at chance and sufferance.
- l39l Antonio Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself.
- l40l Make those that do offend you suffer, too.
- l41l Leonato There thou speakÆst reason, nay I will do so.
- l42l My soul doth tell me Hero is belied,
- l43l And that shall Claudio know, so shall the Prince,
- l44l And all of them that thus dishonour her.
- (Enter Don Pedro the Prince and Claudio)
- l45l Antonio Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily.
- l46l Don Pedro Good eÆen, good eÆen.
- Claudio Good day to both of you.
- l47l Leonato Hear you, my lords?
- Don Pedro We have some haste, Leonato.
- l48l Leonato Some haste, my lord! Well, fare you well, my lord.
- l49l Are you so hasty now? Well, all is one.
- l50l Don Pedro Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
- l51l Antonio If he could right himself with quarrelling,
- l52l Some of us would lie low.
- Claudio Who wrongs him?
- l53l Leonato Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou.
- l54l Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword,
- l55l I fear thee not.
- Claudio Marry, beshrew my hand
- l56l If it should give your age such cause of fear.
- l57l In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
- l58l Leonato Tush, tush, man, never fleer and jest at me.
- l59l I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
- l60l As under privilege of age to brag
- l61l What I have done being young, or what would do
- l62l Were I not old. Know Claudio to thy head,
- l63l Thou hast so wronged mine innocent child and me
- l64l That I am forced to lay my reverence by
- l65l And with grey hairs and bruise of many days
- l66l Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
- l67l I say thou hast belied mine innocent child.
- l68l Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
- l69l And she lies buried with her ancestors,
- l70l O, in a tomb where never scandal slept
- l71l Save this of hers, framed by thy villainy.
- l72l Claudio My villainy?
- Leonato Thine, Claudio, thine I say.
- l73l Don Pedro You say not right, old man.
- Leonato My lord, my lord,
- l74l IÆll prove it on his body if he dare,
- l75l Despite his nice fence and his active practice,
- l76l His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.
- l77l Claudio Away, I will not have to do with you.
- l78l Leonato Canst thou so doff me? Thou hast killed my child.
- l79l If thou killÆst me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
- l80l Antonio He shall kill two of us, and men indeed.
- l81l But thatÆs no matter, let him kill one first.
- l82l Win me and wear me. Let him answer me.
- l83l Come follow me boy, come sir boy, come follow me,
- l84l Sir boy, IÆll whip you from your foining fence.
- l85l Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
- l86l Leonato Brother.
- l87l Antonio Content yourself. God knows, I loved my niece,
- l88l And she is dead, slandered to death by villains
- l89l That dare as well answer a man indeed
- l90l As I dare take a serpent by the tongue.
- l91l Boys, apes, braggarts, jacks, milksops!
- l92l Leonato Brother Antonyù
- l93l Antonio Hold you content. What, man, I know them, yea
- l94l And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple.
- l95l Scambling, outfacing, fashion-monging boys,
- l96l That lie, and cog, and flout, deprave, and slander,
- l97l Go anticly, and show an outward hideousness,
- l98l And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,
- l99l How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst,
- l100l And this is all.
- l101l Leonato But brother Antonyù
- l102l Antonio Come, Ætis no matter,
- l103l Do not you meddle, let me deal in this.
- l104l Don Pedro Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
- l105l My heart is sorry for your daughterÆs death,
- l106l But on my honour she was charged with nothing
- l107l But what was true and very full of proof.
- l108l Leonato My lord, my lordù
- Don Pedro I will not hear you.
- l109l Leonato No? Come brother, away. I will be heard.
- l110l Antonio And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
- (Exeunt Leonato and Antonio)
- l111l (Enter Benedick)
- Don Pedro See, see, here comes the man we went to seek.
- l112l Claudio Now signor, what news?
- l113l Benedick (to Don Pedro) Good day, my lord.
- l114l Don Pedro Welcome, signor. You are almost come to part
- l115l almost a fray.
- l116l Claudio We had liked to have had our two noses snapped
- l117l off with two old men without teeth.
- l118l Don Pedro Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou?
- l119l Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too young
- l120l for them.
- l121l Benedick In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
- l122l to seek you both.
- l123l Claudio We have been up and down to seek thee, for we
- l124l are high-proof melancholy and would fain have it
- l125l beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
- l126l Benedick It is in my scabbard. Shall I draw it?
- l127l Don Pedro Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
- l128l Claudio Never any did so, though very many have been
- l129l beside their wit. I will bid thee draw as we do the
- l130l minstrels, draw to pleasure us.
- l131l Don Pedro As I am an honest man he looks pale. Art
- l132l thou sick, or angry?
- l133l Claudio What, courage, man. What though care killed
- l134l a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
- l135l Benedick Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career an you
- l136l charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.
- l137l Claudio Nay then, give him another staff. This last was
- l138l broke cross.
- l139l Don Pedro By this light, he changes more and more. I
- l140l think he be angry indeed.
- l141l Claudio If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
- l142l Benedick (aside to Claudio) Shall I speak a word in your
- l143l ear?
- l144l Claudio God bless me from a challenge.
- l145l Benedick You are a villain. I jest not. I will make it good
- l146l how you dare, with what you dare, and when you
- l147l dare. Do me right, or I will protest your cowardice.
- l148l You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall
- l149l heavy on you. Let me hear from you.
- l150l Claudio Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
- l151l Don Pedro What, a feast, a feast?
- l152l Claudio IÆ faith, I thank him, he hath bid me to a calfÆs
- l153l head and a capon, the which if I do not carve most
- l154l curiously, say my knifeÆs naught. Shall I not find a
- l155l woodcock too?
- l156l Benedick Sir, your wit ambles well, it goes easily.
- l157l Don Pedro IÆll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
- l158l other day. I said thou hadst a fine wit. ôTrue,ö said she,
- l159l ôa fine little one.ö ôNo,ö said I, ôa great wit.ö ôRight,ö
- l160l says she, ôa great gross one.ö ôNay,ö said I, ôa good wit.ö
- l161l ôJust,ö said she, ôit hurts nobody.ö ôNay,ö said I, ôthe
- l162l gentleman is wise.ö ôCertainö said she, ôa wise
- l163l gentleman. ôNay,ö said I, ôhe hath the tongues.ö ôThat I
- l164l believe,ö said she, ôfor he swore a thing to me on
- l165l Monday night which he forswore on Tuesday morning.
- l166l ThereÆs a double tongue, thereÆs two tongues.ö Thus
- l167l did she an hour together trans-shape thy particular
- l168l virtues, yet at last she concluded with a sigh thou wast
- l169l the properest man in Italy.
- l170l Claudio For the which she wept heartily and said she
- l171l cared not.
- l172l Don Pedro Yea, that she did. But yet for all that, an if
- l173l she did not hate him deadly she would love him dearly.
- l174l The old manÆs daughter told us all.
- l175l Claudio All, all. And moreover, God saw him when he
- l176l was hid in the garden.
- l177l Don Pedro But when shall we set the savage bullÆs horns
- l178l on the sensible BenedickÆs head?
- l179l Claudio Yea, and text underneath, ôHere dwells Benedick
- l180l the married manö.
- l181l Benedick Fare you well, boy, you know my mind. I will
- l182l leave you now to your gossip-like humour. You break
- l183l jests as braggarts do their blades which, God be
- l184l thanked, hurt not. (To Don Pedro) My lord, for your
- l185l many courtesies I thank you. I must discontinue your
- l186l company. Your brother the bastard is fled from Messina.
- l187l You have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady.
- l188l For my lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet, and
- l189l till then, peace be with him.
- (Exit)
- l190l Don Pedro He is in earnest.
- l191l Claudio In most profound earnest, and, IÆll warrant you,
- l192l for the love of Beatrice.
- l193l Don Pedro And hath challenged thee.
- l194l Claudio Most sincerely.
- l195l Don Pedro What a pretty thing man is when he goes in
- l196l his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
- (Enter Dogberry and Verges the constables, the Watch,
- Conrad, and Borachio)
- l197l Claudio He is then a giant to an ape. But then is an ape
- l198l a doctor to such a man.
- l199l Don Pedro But soft you, let me be. Pluck up, my heart,
- l200l and be sad. Did he not say my brother was fled?
- l201l Dogberry Come you sir, if justice cannot tame you, she
- l202l shall neÆer weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an
- l203l you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
- l204l Don Pedro How now, two of my brotherÆs men bound?
- l205l Borachio one.
- l206l Claudio Hearken after their offence, my lord.
- l207l Don Pedro Officers, what offence have these men done?
- l208l Dogberry Marry, sir, they have committed false report,
- l209l moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they
- l210l are slanders, sixth and lastly they have belied a lady,
- l211l thirdly they have verified unjust things, and to
- l212l conclude, they are lying knaves.
- l213l Don Pedro First I ask thee what they have done, thirdly
- l214l I ask thee whatÆs their offence, sixth and lastly why
- l215l they are committed, and to conclude, what you lay to
- l216l their charge.
- l217l Claudio Rightly reasoned, and in his own division. And
- l218l by my troth thereÆs one meaning well suited.
- l219l Don Pedro (to Conrad and Borachio) Who have you
- l220l offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your
- l221l answer? This learned constable is too cunning to be
- l222l understood. WhatÆs your offence?
- l223l Borachio Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine
- l224l answer. Do you hear me, and let this Count kill me. I
- l225l have deceived even your very eyes. What your wisdoms
- l226l could not discover, these shallow fools have brought
- l227l to light, who in the night overheard me confessing to
- l228l this man how Don John your brother incensed me to
- l229l slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into the
- l230l orchard and saw me court Margaret in HeroÆs garments,
- l231l how you disgraced her when you should marry her.
- l232l My villainy they have upon record, which I had rather
- l233l seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The
- l234l lady is dead upon mine and my masterÆs false
- l235l accusation, and briefly, I desire nothing but the reward
- l236l of a villain.
- l237l Don Pedro (to Claudio)
- Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
- l238l Claudio I have drunk poison whiles he uttered it.
- l239l Don Pedro (to Borachio) But did my brother set thee on to this?
- l240l Borachio Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.
- l241l Don Pedro He is composed and framed of treachery,
- l242l And fled he is upon this villainy.
- l243l Claudio Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear
- l244l In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
- l245l Dogberry Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time
- l246l our Sexton hath reformed Signor Leonato of the matter.
- l247l And masters, do not forget to specify, when time and
- l248l place shall serve, that I am an ass.
- l249l Verges Here, here comes Master Signor Leonato, and the
- l250l Sexton, too.
- (Enter Leonato, Antonio his brother, and the Sexton)
- l251l Leonato Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,
- l252l That when I note another man like him
- l253l I may avoid him. Which of these is he?
- l254l Borachio If you would know your wronger, look on me.
- l255l Leonato Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast killed
- l256l Mine innocent child?
- Borachio Yea, even I alone.
- l257l Leonato No, not so, villain, thou beliest thyself.
- l258l Here stand a pair of honourable men.
- l259l A third is fled that had a hand in it.
- l260l I thank you, Princes, for my daughterÆs death.
- l261l Record it with your high and worthy deeds.
- l262l ÆTwas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
- l263l Claudio I know not how to pray your patience,
- l264l Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself,
- l265l Impose me to what penance your invention
- l266l Can lay upon my sin. Yet sinned I not
- l267l But in mistaking.
- Don Pedro By my soul, nor I,
- l268l And yet to satisfy this good old man
- l269l I would bend under any heavy weight
- l270l That heÆll enjoin me to.
- l271l Leonato I cannot bid you bid my daughter liveù
- l272l That were impossibleùbut I pray you both
- l273l Possess the people in Messina here
- l274l How innocent she died, and if your love
- l275l Can labour aught in sad invention,
- l276l Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
- l277l And sing it to her bones, sing it tonight.
- l278l Tomorrow morning come you to my house,
- l279l And since you could not be my son-in-law,
- l280l Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,
- l281l Almost the copy of my child thatÆs dead,
- l282l And she alone is heir to both of us.
- l283l Give her the right you should have givÆn her cousin,
- l284l And so dies my revenge.
- Claudio O noble sir!
- l285l Your overkindness doth wring tears from me.
- l286l I do embrace your offer; and dispose
- l287l For henceforth of poor Claudio.
- l288l Leonato Tomorrow then I will expect your coming.
- l289l Tonight I take my leave. This naughty man
- l290l Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
- l291l Who I believe was packed in all this wrong,
- l292l Hired to it by your brother.
- Borachio No, by my soul, she was not,
- l293l Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
- l294l But always hath been just and virtuous
- l295l In anything that I do know by her.
- l296l Dogberry (to Leonato) Moreover, sir, which indeed is not
- l297l under white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender,
- l298l did call me ass. I beseech you let it be remembered in
- l299l his punishment. And also the watch heard them talk
- l300l of one Deformed. They say he wears a key in his ear
- l301l and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in GodÆs
- l302l name, the which he hath used so long and never paid
- l303l that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing
- l304l for GodÆs sake. Pray you examine him upon that point.
- l305l Leonato I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
- l306l Dogberry Your worship speaks like a most thankful and
- l307l reverend youth, and I praise God for you.
- l308l Leonato (giving him money) ThereÆs for thy pains.
- l309l Dogberry God save the foundation.
- l310l Leonato Go. I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank
- l311l thee.
- l312l Dogberry I leave an arrant knave with your worship,
- l313l which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for
- l314l the example of others. God keep your worship, I wish
- l315l your worship well. God restore you to health. I humbly
- l316l give you leave to depart, and if a merry meeting may
- l317l be wished, God prohibit it. Come, neighbour.
- (Exeunt Dogberry and Verges)
- l318l Leonato Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell.
- l319l Antonio Farewell, my lords. We look for you tomorrow.
- l320l Don Pedro We will not fail.
- Claudio Tonight IÆll mourn with Hero.
- l321l Leonato (to the Watch)
- Bring you these fellows on.ùWeÆll talk with Margaret
- l322l How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
- (Exeunt)
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